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In Memory Of Violet's Husband, Kim Flint
1969 - 2010

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You: Tori Turned Me Stupid

Has this ever happened to you? ... You want to meet Tori, maybe you have something you've wanted to say to her for years, or have some special little trinket you want to give her, or have a meaningful story you want to share that you just know in your heart-of-hearts would truly touch her, so you trot your little self to a M&G somewhere and then when the big moment arrives — it's finally your turn to speak and the air is sparkling with energy and magical pink unicorns are dancing through your head and you are so totally ready, yay! — you turn into the biggest doof on the planet and come off like a complete imbecile?

21. Lilyscloak's Stupid Story

My meeting of Tori was perfect in every way. I practiced my speech so much that it rolled off my tounge about how much I loved her, how much the music meant to me and my family, how a friend and I were raising money for RAINN and we somehow managed to raise 413$ in the venue and the parking lot, how the only way I could ever thank her was to give back. I even got a picture of Tori, taken by my friend, with a tear in her eye as I explained to her why I was raising money for her charity.

Perfect in every way.

That is, until

My shaking hand held out the item i wanted her to sign. When she was through, I hugged the picture immediately to my chest AND ALL THE LETTERING SMEARED AND MY PRECIOUS AUTOGRAPH WAS RUINED!

Tori made me stupid, but I love her anyway. I hope she knows.


20. Lisa's Stupid Story

I remember this in painful detail. Chicago, Arie Crown in 2001.

It was coldish, mid-October right by the lake. My friend and I had skipped school to drive 4 hours from Iowa for the concert. We got to the “meet and greet” just as all chaos was breaking loose and barricades were being set up, and fans were getting overly excited.

Well, I found myself up front and Tori swaggered out of her tour bus (after almost getting hit by a semi-truck carrying her very own equipment) so she came right up and I got to hand her my BFP liner notes and she signed them, and then I tried to talk and nothing came out, and Tori took my hands in hers originally as a sweet silent gesture of understanding and connection, but then it got weird…

I became fixated on her incredible piano-playing hands. I found myself bringing my face closer to her hands and the best words to describe what I was doing to her hands would be: molesting them. In reality, it must have only been a second, but it seemed longer and I definitely felt Tori’s energy shift to “bad touch” and then with a startled jerk she ripped her hands away from me, cause I guess I was gripping them a little tightly…


19. Kat's Stupid Story

This is kind of embarrassing, but here goes…

I’ve been Tori-obsessed ever since hearing “God” on the radio way back in ‘94. I’ve been to 5 or so shows over the years, and met her long enough in Chicago to say hi to her as she was climbing on the bus back in ‘05. I was determined to finally have a conversation with her and tell her how much her music meant to me and had helped me over the years, and I finally got my chance after the Minneapolis show back in November…

I went with my best friend and had missed the official afternoon meet and greet because of car troubles. My friend sensed how bummed I was about missing the meet and greet, so she suggested hanging around after the show to try and sneak a glimpse of Tori as she was leaving. I was totally up for hanging around, despite the fact that it was only 15 degrees out. It was a bit warmer by the bus (the engine was running and throwing off heat), so we huddled as close to the bus as we could without getting in trouble from Tori’s people. We waited for a long time, and finally Smitty came out. He hung out with us for about 10 minutes, and I ended up having a nice chat with him (he’s super sweet!). I welcomed him to Minnesota and asked how he was enjoying the cold (he smiled and laughed at that one). I asked him to tell Tori thank you for playing Graveyard, which, despite being a short song, has helped me through a lot. He said he would, and then went back inside.

He came back out about 5 minutes later, organized us into a line (I was the very first person), and told us that Tori had agreed to say hi, but that she wouldn’t pose for pictures or sign anything. That was fine by me and I was very excited.

We waited another 45 minutes or so before she came out. She looked adorable in a little black puffy jacket, but I could tell she was freezing. She said hi and waved to everyone, and was about to board the bus when I shouted my thanks for playing Graveyard. She looked at me and smiled, and I approached her very slowly. Smitty didn’t make a move to stop me, so I went up to her and she hugged me. Instead of saying all the things that I wanted to tell her, I started to cry really hard and all I managed to choke out was a very emotional, “I love you”. I hugged her really tight, but she was very sweet about it all and told me to stay warm and that my praise meant a lot. She let me go, then gave everyone a little wave and boarded the bus. I felt kind of bad that no one else got to meet her, but oh well.

But that’s not the worst part. After Tori got on the bus, it hit me what had just happened. I had actually hugged my idol! I started to freak out and hyperventilate (much to the panic of my best friend) right in front of one of the trucks. Her crew was loading equipment, and they stopped to watch my meltdown. I saw them smirking and laughing as my best friend dragged me away. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so embarrassed in my life, but it was totally worth it!


18. British_Doll's Stupid Story

My Tori-stupid-story involves a wig. Probably never a good start.

In London this summer I went to my first ever M&G, dressed up in vaguely Pip-esque regalia, including a waist length, steaming hot black wig.

I waited, wearing this wig, for maybe two hours, with some people I’d met the day before, until she came out to do the M&G. By that time, I was desperate for a drink, and to get the damn wig off!

She got to me in the line, and I just totally lost it. My plan had been to either ask for Father Lucifer or Not David Bowie, and then to thank her for the night before, tell her I love her, and get a photo.

My actual achievement?

Tori: “Hey, who do you want this signed for?”
Me: “Pam. Hey, how do you perform wearing those crazy wigs? I’m roasting!”
Tori (bemused and a little startled): “You get used to it…I guess.”
Me (smacking self in forehead): “Yeah, of course….umm, could I get a photo?”
Tori: “Sure.”

SHAME.

Saying that, she did remember my crazy-ass name the next night. Cloud, silver lining, etc.

[ *heh* And were you still wearing the wig, or did Tori remember your crazy-ass name without it? — Violet]


17. Leah's Stupid Story

November 2001, Austin TX

I worked at the radio station that was doing the M&G backstage and they also arranged a soundcheck for a few listeners. We had just been to the soundcheck and it was amazing. They then herded us backstage to meet her.

I was with my husband and my best friend. My best friend had been a fan of Tori’s for a few years already and he knew exactly what he wanted her to sign and what he wanted to say to her. I had only recently been introduced to her music and didn’t know a lot about her at that time and had NO idea what I was going to talk to her about. I asked my husband if he and I could go together, but he said, “No way.”

He went before me and I watched him. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but they were having quite the conversation. My best friend and I were wondering “What are they talking about?” We had no idea.

It was then my turn — my husband is still visible walking down the hall away from where we are — I walk up to Tori and say … nothing. Just stand there, with the 8×10 glossy headshot of Tori from the record company. She says, “Hi.” I say, pointing to my husband, “I belong to him,” and she says (smiling), “And he belongs to you”.

Me: “Uh…huh.”
Her (signing her picture): “So do you like Austin?”
Me: “Yes.”

She handed me the picture and we stood there, together, someone took our picture. I walked away.

I met her another time and it was a little better, but not a lot. Maybe I will write about that another time. But yes, Tori made me stupid.


16. Tommy's Stupid Story

Oh, I know there are more stupid story’s than this… I’ve seen several of them in person. *lol*

My own is so-so … but also so far back I don’t remember it entirely clearly. Anyway, so I have moments of intense shyness and I missed meeting tori in Charlotte, on the UTP tour. So there was a Columbia, SC, BFP date that I went to and I totally skipped out on the encores just so that I could get out back behind the venue and wait for Tori to meet her. I missed a very beautiful version of Mary!

I had, like, this Russian jewelry box with a little Yoda and flower inside to give her and had my whole seventeen-year-old “you saved my closeted gay miserable life” speech all prepared. And I’m waiting right by the tour bus, and eventually the guy I’m sort of standing next to and talking to (who may have been Joel) and these other guys put up these barricades as fans start lining up behind this fence and all.

And I don’t know what happens next, but I feel like I’m in the wrong area or something. Maybe Joel told me I would have to wait somewhere else or … I’m not sure. And I ask him to give her this jewelry box. I’m getting all nervous as these people show up and like I’m not going to get to meet her anyway. (BTW this “huge” crowd of people was like maybe 15 people and NOTHING compared to M&Gs nowadays.) So I’m all just, “I’ll go,” despite him looking at me weird and all he says is he’ll give her the jewelry box. So I walk out away from where all the people are congregating and eventually Tori comes out and spends FOREVER chatting with them. And I totally could have been one of them, if not the first, if I had stayed. And I’m all teary-eyed and wondering if that guy was even with her show, or who he was and if she ever got the box. *lol*

But maybe it’s a good thing, because when I finally did get around to meeting her in Atlanta, all I managed to say was, “Thank you for the show” and I remember her placing her hands in mine was like this scary unworthy divine experience. I’m sure I could be just as stupid towards Tori as in the scene in Wayne’s World when they get to meet Alice Cooper backstage after his show. “We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!” *lol*

[Aw! Somewhere there is a Joel lookalike with a pretty jewelry box and a Yoda. I’m sure he treasures it! *LOL* — Violet]


15. karen!'s Stupid Story

This is a fantastic new edition to Undented, by the way!

My stupid story I kinda already told (see Houston this tour) but basically, my friend Greg and I decided months before she came to Texas that we’d try to make a meet and greet.

The morning of, it was oddly cold in Houston and I honestly never thought I’d get to meet Tori … I thought we’d see her running from the bus to the venue 20 feet away and that would be it. So I just throw on whatever clothes and we get to the venue.

We wait for about 2 or 3 hours in the cold (everyone was amazing, and we were all sick the week after) and all of a sudden, TORI WALKS OUT. I was thinking holy crap!, what do I say? I know I’m gonna stay something stupid like, “You’re the soundtrack to my life,” but honestly, fellow EWF, isn’t that the truth?

THANKFULLY I had read a great book recently (Peter S. Beagle’s Tamsin) and had heard her Toronto improv about how Tash needs new books to read, so even though I didn’t believe I’d get to see Tori, I brought the book anyway. THANK GOD! When Tori walked up to me, I just gushed and said, “Oh my god, I’ve loved you for so long, I never thought I’d meet you, I can’t believe this!” I babbled some other stuff (I relate to previous stories about blacking out, I just don’t even remember!). Then I gave her the book and tried to explain it, but I couldn’t really remember what it was about! She was very gracious, of course, and gave me a hug and took a picture, but I wish I could remember what was said!

So now I have this picture with a gorgeous Tori and very dumpy looking me (but I am clearly grinning like a crazy)! Tori made me stupid, but I still had one of the best days of my life!


14. Mikey's Stupid Story

When I met her in 2003, the M&G ended and I was walking away defeated, having not gotten to meet her, and she took my hand and said, “Sweetie, I’ll sign your book for you,” and I wanted to say so many things. Instead, I started crying. A lot. And she laughed and said, “I’m not that important,” and squeezed my hands, and then handed me back my book and smiled at me..

Then I leaned against the side of Radio City Music Hall and cried for 15 minutes…


13. Nancy's Stupid Story

I’d been looking forward to finally meeting Tori for such a long time, but it didn’t happen till 2005. It was all just perfect (well, or so it seemed)…

The concert took place on a Saturday, which meant I could finally make it to the M&G. I showed up early and met up with some friends. When the tour bus arrived, we first stood on the wrong side of the bus, because of the nerves. So we ended up at the back of the group. Wasn’t a large group of people, so still okay.

Then Tori got out of the bus and I immediately felt it happening: my mind went blank. She first talked to some other people and then it was my turn. I was hesitant and actually acted like I didn’t want to meet Tori. But alas, I walked forward. I had a broken arm at the time and Tori just looked at that, trying to start a conversation with me, because obviously my mind had gone blank and I didn’t know what to say. So she asked me about the arm, and I just looked at her and didn’t say anything. All the English words had left my brain. So she then said, “Not so good?” And I just shook my head in a dumb way. Then she asked ME if she had to sign my BFP booklet, ‘cause obviously I forgot to ask. She asked for my name and I was able to give her that (that was at least something). I also had a gift for her, but I simply can’t remember if I just gave her that without saying anything, or if I at least thanked her. I’m pretty sure I didn’t, cause I didn’t know how to get away as quickly as possible. A friend of mine asked me if I didn’t want to have my picture taken with Tori. Tori even looked up willing to have a picture taken, and I just said, “No.”

WTF?

Seriously … I don’t know what came over me, but it was horrible. I had such high expectations, and I really, really wanted to just thank her, etc… And I just acted like a huge dork. She must have thought….


12. Hayley's Stupid Story

After 15 years of obsessing over this woman, I finally got to meet Tori at the Salt Lake City ADP show just a few weeks ago. I was incredibly nervous and was afraid I was going to faint. I already faint VERY easily, so I was doubly nervous imagining passing out cold in front of Mizz T.

She came out into a crowd grouped in a semi circle and spoke to everyone one at a time. She was really great about this private meet and greet, looking at everyone and really listening. As I got closer to her, I toppled a little bit and my sister was like, “Are you going to faint and embarrass me in front of Tori?” I was about to die inside.

Well the moment finally came and I was shaking uncontrollably so T grabbed my hand with both of hers and held it tight while I mustered the strength to speak. I was okay after that because she is so calming. She just has that affect on people. She hugged me and signed my piano music for Bliss and we talked a little about Zero Point. She gave us both front row center tickets and hugged me again as I was in tears.

Then we had to take group pictures because we were running short on time. So she gets to my group and grabs my hand to come and stand by her. I was floored that she would do this for a blubbering fool. So I stood next to her, accidentally tripped her backward and had to catch her before she hit the floor. I was so glad that she only weighs like 100 pounds. My sister yells out, “Don’t try to hurt Tori!” I apologized profusely and Tori just kinda snickered about it. So ironic that I thought I’d be the one to fall over and it ended up being Tori.

I’m a total loser but it was still the best day of my life!! Now all I think about is “In my platforms I hit the floor…”


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