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In Memory Of Violet's Husband, Kim Flint
1969 - 2010

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You: Tori Turned Me Stupid

Violet's Stupid Story

Okay, so I went to a M&G in San Jose back in ’98. (I was hanging out with Steve The Sweet Fat Man. He was standing next to me for the M&G, so he can back up my embarrassing Tori tale.) I had brought along photo of me with Tori, the very first photo I’d ever had taken with her, back in ’92. I’d only brought it to show it to her, so she could have a little “Ah, I remember those days…” moment, seeing as how it’s unlikely she has any of her own photos of her standing in a back alley in San Francisco with a manky lot of tipsy fans.

So there we are, standing in the intense San Jose heat, and before Tori comes out, her bodyguard makes the usual announcement that Tori would be signing only ONE ITEM PER PERSON, and no one should even TRY to ask for more than one or they’d be … well, it wasn’t specified, but the implication was that Something Very Bad would happen to them.

Tori comes out and goes down the line, and when she gets to me, I give her my one item to sign (it was a CD or a songbook, I can’t recall now) and I was in the second row, so I was having to poke my head through between the two people in the front row and Tori was having to reach past them to take the item from me. You know what I mean, the kind of situation where we’re all packed in so tightly that the people you’re trying to talk between are trying to move out of the way a bit, but they’re still so close they could lick your face if they wanted to (not that they’d want to, just saying).

So then I say, “I wanted to show you something” and I hand her the old photo. She looks at it and asks, “Would you like me to sign it?” And me, I’m thinking back to how the bodyguard had made it very clear that Tori would only sign ONE ITEM PER PERSON and imagining the horrible stuff he’s going to get his flying monkeys to do to me if I dare to say yes. So I stutter and stammer about, “Well, but you already signed something for me,” and she again asks if I would like her to sign the photo, and I again get all twisted up and blather, “Well, but they said you’d only sign one item for everyone, and you already signed one for me.” And she looks at me with a look I will never forget and verrrry slowwwly says, “Do. You. Want. Me. To. Sign. This. For. You???”

And everyone around me is looking at me like I’m a complete half-wit, Tori included. And I finally quietly go, “Um, yes, please.” Like a total dork!

So now every time I even look at that autograph, it’s upsetting, because all it does is remind me what a pinhead I turned into and how everyone was laughing at the sad mentally-challenged girl. It was mortifying. And I thought I was being so well-behaved and good and noble.

All right, quit laughing and go back to where you were…